....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
