i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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