I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
