Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
