broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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