I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
