i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
