I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
