she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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