she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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