Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
