Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
