In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
