So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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