1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
