it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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