We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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