I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
