FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
