In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage