Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.