Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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  (614): If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes http://tfl.nu/ijgu
  Replies (8) Good night (976) Bad night (3254)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Where you at

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?

  (917): View more from New York City

  Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.

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  (917): Where you at (1-917): assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup? (917): Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed. http://tfl.nu/v1xe
  Replies (7) Good night (827) Bad night (2721)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid

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  (630): I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid http://tfl.nu/l9sh
  Replies (10) Good night (2901) Bad night (1217)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life

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  (302): Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life http://tfl.nu/pzmw
  Replies (67) Good night (5954) Bad night (1272)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.

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  (814): he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out. http://tfl.nu/d51a
  Replies (13) Good night (695) Bad night (4505)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.

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  (605): dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce. http://tfl.nu/vye8
  Replies (20) Good night (4393) Bad night (972)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck

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  (503): The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/nvzw
  Replies (20) Good night (6403) Bad night (1528)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

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  (941): I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked. http://tfl.nu/4e23
  Replies (9) Good night (1798) Bad night (912)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine

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  (507): we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine http://tfl.nu/vvgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2338) Bad night (690)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.

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  (513): It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world. http://tfl.nu/7ety
  Replies (4) Good night (1359) Bad night (458)
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  (212): View more from New York

  She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.

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  (212): She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess. http://tfl.nu/ade3
  Replies (10) Good night (1427) Bad night (841)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?

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  (480): Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night? http://tfl.nu/lw86
  Replies (7) Good night (541) Bad night (865)
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  (510): View more from California

  I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.

  (707): View more from California

  The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.

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  (510): I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no. (707): The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off. http://tfl.nu/haix
  Replies (0) Good night (899) Bad night (362)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings

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  (814): Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings http://tfl.nu/8ytt
  Replies (0) Good night (450) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.

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  (713): This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy. http://tfl.nu/xpy1
  Replies (2) Good night (623) Bad night (246)

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