she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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