I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ