It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball