are you still at the devil's house?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
