I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
