Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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