ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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