omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
