I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
