Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
