His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
