Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
