I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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