I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
