i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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