I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Screwed.edu
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
