The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
