You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize