i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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