this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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