his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
