just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
