I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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