Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
