i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We got so high we made milksteak
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
