yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
