I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
