How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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