we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
