I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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