god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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