Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
