Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
