best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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