I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Houston, we have a squirter
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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