sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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