So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
