so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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