there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
