my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
