the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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