So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
