Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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