Already got asked if we're dating
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
