Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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