I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Less talking, more tequila
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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