Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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